Saturday, 26 June 2010

Ten things you didn't know about me (until now).

I have been tagged by the lovely and very funny, London City Mum in one of those Spanish Inquistion stylee type tags. This basically means that she gets to ask me and four others ten questions about absolutely whatever takes her fancy. Thankfully, none of them are too rude. I can't promise the same of my answers...........

1. Name of your first pet?
Moby Dick. For real. I should point out that he was a Fish. Would have a been a pretty stupid name for a Spaniel.

2. Your most delectable piece of lingerie?
Wouldn't that be telling? Ah yes, I am required to answer these aren't I. Well, back in the day, Mr Nudie used to buy me the occasional set of lingerie. I say back in the day, not because he no longer buys me gifts- he does, but these days- post episiotomy I am Big Panty Woman. Try making a sexy gift out of those bad boys. Anyway, I digress. Imagine my surprise and delight when one day, I opened a parcel to find the ubiquitous pink and black box synonymous with Agent Provocateur. Mr Nudie, I thought, you have done well. Then I opened the box. Inside, I found a half cup bra and a pair of matching crotchless panties. Delightful. For those unfamiliar with half cup bras, allow me to explain. They do what it says on the tin. There is half a cup, you bend forward only slightly and your tits fall out. I think that's the point of them though. The crotchless panties need no explanation (I hope). His response 'You buy yourself underwear. I buy you funderwear'. Of course. Silly me for even thinking I could work a twelve hour day in a half cup bra...............

3. Be a famous person for a day - who and why?
Ooh. This is a tricky one. I don't care much for celebrities. You'll never find me flicking through OK! or HELLO magazine. I lived in Hampstead for seven years where they are two a penny. I even bumped into (literally) Jude Law once on a zebra crossing. Not bothered. Ok, that was a lie. He was HOT.
 I wouldn't particularly like to be famous, imagine living your life in the public glare? No thanks. However, If I had to choose one famous person to be I would probably go all out and be Madonna. Not because I admire her or even particularly like her, but because she is as famous as it's possible to be. If I'm only doing this for one day, I want it all- the entourage of minions catering to my every whim, billion dollar wardrobe, the lot. Failing that, I think I'd be happy just to be Dervla Kirwan because she gets to shag my answer to  question 7 every night.

4. Your neighbour's dog chews up your prized, and very expensive, Manolos. What do you do?
This is a hypothetical question, as I'm highly unlikely to ever own a pair of Manolos and if I did, my own daft Dog would probably eat them before my neighbour's would. Quite honestly though, those shoes are so damned expensive I'd be tempted to wait for the pieces to come out at the end of their journey and stick them back together. Seriously.

5. If you could only eat three things for the rest of your life, what would they be?
I've often thought about this. Well, I think about food a lot. I wonder what I would choose as my last meal if I knew it was my last day on earth and I could have absolutely anything I wanted. I'll answer this question as if it were a three course meal. To begin, I would have Insalate Caprese. You know the Italian salad of Avocado, Mozzarella and Tomato? I love that, so simple. I could eat it all day and not tire of it. Secondly, I would have Scallops served on a base of Cauliflower puree. Not as icky as it sounds. This is a traditional French way of serving Scallops and I was lucky enough to eat it once at the Plaza Athenee in Paris. Sublime. I would have that for dinner every night if I could. Lastly, my choice of dessert is not especially refined, but I could eat Dime bars until they come out of my ears. Love them. I'm hungry now. 

6. Caught speeding. How do you get out of it?
Another hypothetical one- I can't drive. I would make like a scout and be prepared, of course. It would be a hot policeman and I would be wearing my half cup bra, *leans over the bonnet* 'I'm so sorry officer, was I going too fast?'.......

7. Secret crush as an adult?
No hesitation here. Rupert Penry-Jones (the actor from Spooks). Yum. It's no secret that I have the hots for him, I started a Facebook group a couple of years ago called 'I want to marry Rupert Penry-Jones and have his babies'. I did. Go and look. Subtle eh?

8. Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
The right hand side, nearest the door (good to sneak a Dog in for a cuddle once the Mr is asleep). The ensuite is on this side of the room too. Very handy when pregnant (or drunk) to stagger out in the middle of the night for a pee without bumping into anything.

9. Tom Cruise: kiss, marry or send to live permanently with the Pope?
I do not like short men. Fact. I have never understood Tom Cruises appeal to be quite honest, and the Scientology thing? Wacko. Send him to live with the Pope. I'd love to be a fly on the wall whilst they  debate God versus the Aliens creating the earth.

10. Rudest word you have in your (child-free) vocabulary?
 Had to ask that didn't you.?!.......I have several (anyone reading this follow me on Twitter after the watershed?). I use the C word a lot. A lot of people (women mainly) seem to have a real problem with this word. I don't, it's just a word. I don't use it in a sexual context, I agree that used like that it's pretty vulgar. No, I would say 'what a C***'. Or something. I'm not a trackie bottomed wearing harridian who shouts expletives at her kids in the street. I'm a normal, vaguely middle class-ish professional person with an otherwise good command of the English language. If a few profanities slip into my everyday conversation, so be it. I also love the words Cock, Wank, Minge and Fuck.
Oh, and I have a childish, slightly crass sense of humour. I am as likely to be found reading my (equally childish and crass) husbands copy of Viz as I am the Sunday Times.  

If you want to read the answers that the four other bloggers have left to these questions ( I haven't yet, it would have felt like cheating) they are: Nickie at Typecast, Carly at Mummy's Shoes, Tattooed Mummy and Heather at Notes from Lapland. Enjoy.


  1. Lovely lovely lovely! So glad you rose to the challenge!
    V funny.

    LCM x

  2. I think "moby dick" would have been a BRILLIANT name for a dog :D

    LCM also tagged me so I did this earlier in the week :-p

  3. I have never seen the appeal in Tom Cruise either. My mum fancied him for a while back when he was in Top Gun lol! Glad to have got to know you a bit better

  4. I decided quite early on in parenthood that, while I would def curb my excessive swearing (of which there was a LOT) I would not completely cut it out of my vocab. There are occasions in life when only a good, nasty cuss word will suffice - none of the socially acceptable alternatives even come close to expressing the right amount of anger, outrage, joy, annoyance, or surprise. If I can't talk without swearing, I'd rather just not talk at all. It's like drinking non-alcoholic beer - what the hell is the point????
    PS: Tom Cruise is a creepy little monkey man. He gives me the willies.

  5. I might have to pinch this post! Love it! I cant see the appeal with Tom Cruise either, isnt he like 4 foot tall?


Show me some love