This weeks prompt for the Gallery over at Sticky Fingers is a little different. This week it is a hybrid between Taras Gallery and Josie from Sleep is for the Weak's Writing Workshop. I try and join in on the Gallery every week, but I have to admit I have never been tempted to join the Writing Workshop because I am just not a creative writer. I started this blog a couple of months ago for fun and to catalogue all of the great things my Little Boy does and says. I am also rather prone to forgetting my manners and the odd rude word sneaks into a post (best not look at my most recent one if this is likely to offend).
Anyway, the prompt arrived on Friday as usual and I felt absolutely compelled to join in despite my reticence about 'proper' writing. The date on Friday was June 25th, an important and auspicious date for me. This is why.........
An Ode to Pip.
Friday, June 25th 2010. Today is my wedding anniversary. Five years ago today I married my soulmate. I should be happy. I am happy. There is a cloud. Something else should have been happening today, or near to today. It isn't.
Wednesday, December 9th 2009. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I have no reason to be worried. Yet I feel a strange sense of foreboding I cannot explain. It's just a routine scan. In half an hour it will all be over. We will laugh at my over anxious mind. We will finally be able to share our news. It will be fine.
We have the first appointment of the day. We go straight in to a little room and I lie down on the couch. The sonographer puts warm jelly onto my tummy and looks at the screen. We all look at the screen. There is a tiny head and a little body. Yes, I see arms and legs. I see Pip. Mr gave her that name 'Princess and the pea' - Pip. I smile, it is going to be fine. The sonographer doesn't say anything, her brow is furrowed, concentrating. 'It's sleeping' she says, tentatively. The anxious feeling returns. She presses harder. Pip doesn't move. 'I'm just going to get my colleague to have a look' she says. She leaves the room.
We have the first appointment of the day. We go straight in to a little room and I lie down on the couch. The sonographer puts warm jelly onto my tummy and looks at the screen. We all look at the screen. There is a tiny head and a little body. Yes, I see arms and legs. I see Pip. Mr gave her that name 'Princess and the pea' - Pip. I smile, it is going to be fine. The sonographer doesn't say anything, her brow is furrowed, concentrating. 'It's sleeping' she says, tentatively. The anxious feeling returns. She presses harder. Pip doesn't move. 'I'm just going to get my colleague to have a look' she says. She leaves the room.
I turn to Mr. He doesn't say anything. He squeezes my hand. 'Pip's not sleeping', I say. 'She's dead'. Even as I say the words. I cannot cry. I feel numb. The two sonographers return. The second one runs the probe over my lower abdomen. 'There's no easy way to say this...........' he begins.
We leave the hospital. I knew it was too good to be true. The due date on our wedding anniversary. What are the odds of that? 'By my calculations, you're due on June 25th' My Doctor had said. I couldn't have been happier. Now it wasn't going to happen at all. Forevermore, this date will mean mixed emotions for me.
In years to come, I will not associate this date with any negative emotions. This year it is a little raw for obvious reasons. It is best to remember the reason why this date is usually a happy one for me.
25th June 2005
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